Divorce might be a little more common in this day and age, but that does not mean it is a simple or easy process. Often, the grass isn't as green on the other side as one might have hoped. Here are five realities of divorce to keep in mind while navigating the sometimes murky and rough waters of dissolving a marriage:
1. False freedom
While a person considering divorce may dream of freedom from the hurt and pain of his or her current situation, the ramifications of divorce may leave someone not feeling as free as he or she had thought. Even in a model divorce in which the two individuals remain friendly and cooperative, a person can feel unsettled, especially when children are involved. There will be reminders of the marriage at holidays, birthdays, school events and when children are sick to navigate. Even seeing families with both parents can trigger difficult emotions.
2. Mourn the marriage
No matter the relief someone feels or thinks he will feel, divorce means the loss of a marriage that once had great hope. It is difficult, if not impossible, to move on as if the marriage never existed. Most likely, people will have to go through a grieving process that often includes the anger stage. It takes time to move to acceptance of the new reality.
3. Can't erase the past
While you can definitely move forward, and maybe even try to forget, the fact of the marriage remains. You will have to decide how to treat those memories, whether in a positive or negative way.
4. People talk and things change
It's unfortunate, but it is a fact that people gossip. Even the people you thought were your friends. Your social situation will change. You can never revert to those days of being single before marriage. Relationships shift, often with friends you had as a couple. It can be tricky to navigate your new normal of being divorced.
5. It's not all about you
Most parents naturally want to do what is best for their children, but children are not taken on the journey of divorce by their choice. Ex-spouses who are parents will always have their ex-spouse in their life in some way. Visitation agreements mean a child will be dealing with constant location changes. Even those who do not have children can do well to remember that two people are getting a divorce, not one.
These realities might seem obvious, but in the throes of the emotion of divorce, they can easily be forgotten or overlooked. Addressing them can ease the transition to a new normal when divorce is determined to be the course of direction chosen. Solid representation also can ease the stress of a difficult life change.
At Shafer Law Firm, we have several skilled attorneys happy to assist you and answer any questions about divorce that you may have. Contact us for more information.
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About the Author: Kyle M. Janes
Kyle grew up in Meadville and attended Meadville Area Senior High. He attended college at Allegheny College. Upon graduating from the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, Kyle returned to Meadville to serve the community where he grew up. Kyle has a diverse family law practice, including divorce, support, custody, juvenile dependency, adoption, pre-nuptial agreements, protection from abuse, and other domestic relations issues. His compassion for his clients and his knowledge of the law allow him to work on a full range of cases, from simple to complex.